Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
