I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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