Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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