haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
