Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
