How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
