One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize