When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
