And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
