I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
