I hope mine doesn't look like that
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
