i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
