im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
