i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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