If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Less talking, more tequila
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
