He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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