He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
