Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
