i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
