party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
