so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
