Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
