My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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