just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im holly from the hills drunk
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
