So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
