I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
