i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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