Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you made out with another girl for some wings
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
