I have demons in me.
i was born a porn star she said
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
