the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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