all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
