Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
