whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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