I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
