She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
FUCK WHALES
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
