So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
