Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
