i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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