i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize