I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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