thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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