I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
