Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
