His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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