dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
