ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
