I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
