This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i black out too much to be "responsible"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize