is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
