when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
