smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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