..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
