He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
