Someone shit on the floor
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
