God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
