doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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