some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
someone owes me an orgasm
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
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