Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize